Or, more appropriately, “back in the blogosphere”. It has been three and a half years since my last post. Wow. Do they even say “blogosphere” anymore? Doesn’t matter. I’m back.

One by one, the horses in my stories here all went to new homes – a process that broke my heart again and again. But, they are well and happy. I have kept up with their new owners.

The new love in my life, as reported in my last post, Bright Morning Stars, has become the steadfast love of my life. We moved together, with one dog and a decrepit but loyal cat, to a nowhere town in the mountains, and life has begun again for both of us in excellent and undreamed-of ways. We are happy – I mean really, genuinely, happy.

With all this happiness going on, it’s been dawning on me for a while now that after 50-some years of passing for “normal” (read: anonymous) “authentic” might be a healthy change.

My name is Linda. I’ve been writing for years as ZenDoe on The Wind Horse Blog.  I’ve tried to keep my name hidden from the blog, and the blog hidden from my friends. Hmmm…

I’ve practiced meditation for all but the first 13 years of my time here this go-round, and that didn’t seem like something regular people would want to know about either, so that aspect of being me has been in the closet as well, right behind the black robes that I wore every evening at the Zen Center that I founded and where I became a Zen Teacher. I’ve been hiding that, too. Oh, dear… The robes are gathering dust in the dark because I no longer teach Zen in a formal way. That’s fine.

When I was growing up, I was taught that we (girls) didn’t call attention to ourselves. Looks like I took that one to heart!

Have I mentioned that since I was a child, I’ve seen and spoken with the spirits of folks who have passed on? I didn’t think so.  No, I probably wouldn’t have mentioned that either – it’s not quite “right”. But, you know what? It’s who I am. Actually, I’ve been working hard at developing my skills as a medium. There. I’ve said it.

Five decades of trying to pass for normal while living a most extraordinary life has been a challenge. I don’t have the energy for it anymore, because, thanks to the encouragement of my readers here, I’m working on a book about what I’ve learned in all these years of being anonymous. Anonymous isn’t working for me. I’m coming out.

Leaning into the light with you,

ZenDoe

It’s good to be back

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17 Comments on “Back in the Saddle ~ so to speak

    • Thanks for stopping in to say hi, Tiramit! Wonderful to see you here!

  1. Fucking LOVE you! Fucking MISSED you! Lol…can I say ‘fucking’ to a Zen teacher? Soooo glad you’re back, Linda. Hi. My name is Trish. Hugz of happiness are dancing around you. Can you feel them? 😉 xo

  2. Nice to meet you, Anon–Er–Linda. l’m John. 🙂

    Can’t tell you how good it is to see your words.
    And to know that you are well.

    While it is true that I have had more interactions with many other folks in the blogosphere (no idea if that’s still a hip term), very few do I remember as fondly as the ones I’ve had with you. That is, I guess, a very awkward way of saying you have been missed.

    The depth of your presence,
    the presence of your depth,
    a palpable center in this place
    that I am gratified to orbit.

    I’ve done a bit of coming out too, I guess. Using my actual last name. Starting the process of doing the actual “Poet-with-a-capital-P” thing and trying to get some things published. Not exactly sure what the hell I’m doing with my blog right now, but I think I’m figuring it out.

    I’m ready to be back.
    Ready to be present.
    Shall we dance?

    • John, Thank you for pounding out a few words here to let me know that I’m remembered. I’m just overwhelmed by the kindness. Keep pouring out words. If we stumble over them, people will think we’re dancing! Write on!

  3. What great joy to “see” you again! Your recent post arrived via email last night – I must have subscribed to your feed many years ago… Was it just years? Feels like a lifetime here… I wanted to laugh out loud with joy at every new “confession” you revealed, but I was sitting next to a child, falling asleep, so had to control myself. How happy I am to see you shine! We used to be friends for a short time via this blog, but the “person” you used to talk with is so thin and transparent nowadays that it is probably unrecognizable to old friends. The mind and body are still triggered by trauma from time to time, but otherwise healthy, and sometimes even very happy. With so much love, looking forward to your new posts and the book. 🙂

    • Dear Dancing,
      Thank you so much for taking a moment to connect. It means so much to me to have old friends popping in to say they’re glad I’m back. Love, light, and healing to you. Dance on!

    • Hi, one of!!! *Jumping up and down while waving* thanks for leaving a word! Means a lot to me.

  4. Welcome back! I must have known you were working on coming back because you popped into mind not long ago, wondering how you were doing, if you were happy. I’m so happy to hear you are very happy and that the horses have new homes. I thought of them too.

    • Hi, CD!! ❤ Thanks for thinking of me and for leaving a comment! Hope you're well.

  5. alllllllll write
    mistress of zen
    never out
    way out
    back
    back in
    -el vagabundo
    (iphone wrote “bags undo”
    HaH that’ll do 2)

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